


Redemancy

by JuniorKPOP



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, OT8, White Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21613192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuniorKPOP/pseuds/JuniorKPOP
Summary: Jeongin's family has a tradition for when they put up the Christmas tree each year but this year, Jeongin is all alone at Christmas. With his family out of town, and he himself stuck at uni, he was feeling lonely this Christmas. When his neighbor comes to his house because of the noise, who knows what the Christmas season could bring.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	1. One

Jeongin was honestly, exhausted. Classes had been extremely hectic the past few weeks and the professors had just given them a  **huge** stack of work to do over the holiday break. All of this meant that Jeongin was overtired, overworked, and in a completely terrible mood. He silently cheered when the professor of his music theory `class let them out early, others in his class actually cheered aloud. He unceremoniously shoved his books into his bag and made a beeline for the exit. Jeongin didn’t realize how obviously stressed he was until he ran into Zhong Chenle on his way out of the building and he asked Jeongin if he was feeling well. Jeongin, of course, said he was perfectly fine and continued outside, frowning the whole time. When he got outside, his frown quickly turned into a smile as he saw it had snowed while he was in class! Jeongin, standing in a sea of groaning, annoyed, and cold college students, was grinning ear to ear. He took a deep breath of the cold air and let out a content sigh. The smile never left Jeongin’s face as he walked home through the snow, feeling some of the tension leave his body. 

_ This is just what I needed. _

ActualHyung: Jeonginnie! I saw it snowed in Seoul. Did you see ?

Jeongin smiled as he read the text, he hadn’t seen his hyung (or the rest of his family for that matter) since he started uni this year. He missed them all. 

Jeongin: i saw! its really pretty hyung :)

Jeongin: did it snow in the us too?

ActualHyung: No, not yet. Although it’s supposed to in a few days according to the forecast. 

ActualHyung: I just checked and saw it snowed in Seoul and wanted to know if you had seen it yet. 

Jeongin: aww do you miss your little brother~

ActualHyung: No.

Jeongin laughed at the message, it was clear that was the end of the conversation so he locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket as he reached the door to his apartment. He unlocked it and walked inside, shedding his coat, hat, and scarf as he went, throwing them wherever as he walked to the kitchen. Jeongin hadn’t eaten yet due to the fact his first class was at 7 in the morning and he had woken up at 6:50, he had ten minutes to get to a class that was 15 minutes away, Jeongin had never run faster in his life. 

When he reached his kitchen, however, he realized he had absolutely no food and settled for a half-eaten bag of Banana Kicks and headed for the couch. He was about to watch some Shin-chan when his phone rang. 

“Hello?” Jeongin answered, not bothering to check who was calling.  _ I don’t know that many people anyways. _

“Hi hyung!” The voice on the other end greeted him cheerfully. Jeongin mentally sorted through all the people he knew that were younger than him and, only coming up with a few that would have his number, took a guess.

“Hey Taehyun, what do you need?” Jeongin asked, sincerely hoping he got the right junior. Jeongin knew logically he could just check his phone screen and know, but he was feeling  **extremely** lazy today after classes. 

“I don’t need anything, I just wanted to see what you were up to. Are you going to go home for break?” Taehyun,  _ Thank goodness _ , asks. 

“No, I’m not going home for break,” Jeongin explains. “I have too much work to do. Besides, my family is visiting my older brother in the US so I’d just be going home to an empty house.” He said, sorrow clear in his tone. 

“Oh...I’m sorry, hyung.” Taehyun said as a voice shouted in the background. “Oh, I better go hyung. I’m supposed to be working on a project with Yeonjun-hyung and Kai. Somehow they’ve only  **just** noticed I haven’t been helping for the past 5 minutes.” Taehyun explained, laughing.

“Okay, bye Taehyun.” Jeongin said, trying to sound as amused as Taehyun was.

“Bye hyung!” Taehyun said back and then ended the call. 

Jeongin turned off the TV, that phone call having sufficiently killed his happy mood. He really missed his family, he hadn’t seen them since he started uni. This was partially due to his insanely busy schedule, but also because his home was over 325 kilometers away from where he was studying. All of this combined made it impossible for Jeongin to see his family. He missed them even more right now, snow falling outside, a happy feeling in the air, and Christmas just around the corner. Jeongin felt...  **lonely** . 

Jeongin’s family had a tradition this time of year. Every year, at the beginning of December, he, his brothers, and his mother brought up all their decorations from the basement and shoved all the boxes into the living room. They worked together to put up the tree which, for the last few years, was a fake tree simply for the ease of clean up. Then they, of course, decorated it with lights, ornaments, and some candy canes (which always ended up gone by Christmas day). All of this decorating was done while blasting a mix of traditional and iconic Christmas music loud enough that the whole of Korea could probably hear it. This process always took them at least five times longer than it should have due to the dance and lip-sync battle breaks where they tried to, horribly, outdance each other. The entire house was filled with laughter. Finally, once the tree was up, the house decorated, they all crowded together on the couch, sipping on the hot chocolate their mom had made and watched White Christmas together. It was one of Jeongin’s favorite family traditions, they had been doing it for as long as Jeongin could remember, but this year they wouldn’t be together. 

Jeongin stewed in his loneliness for a while until he decided  _ no, no more. This is Christmas time and I  _ **_will_ ** _ be happy.  _ He huffed and stood up from the couch.  _ I’m going to get my decorations, it’s time to put up the tree.  _ He plastered a slightly fake smile on his face and went to his hall closet to grab the few Christmas decorations he brought with him from home. They were ones he had gotten as gifts over the years from various relatives and friends and couldn’t bear to leave at home. He also had taken the fake tree his family used, telling them they could just get another. Jeongin brought all the supplies to his ‘living room’ and turned on his Christmas playlist, at full volume of course. He may not be able to spend Christmas with his family, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least continue the tradition. He started assembling the tree as Mariah Carey blasted through his speakers. Jeongin sang along as he assembling, momentarily forgetting his sadness. 

30 minutes later, the tree was up and it was time to start decorating. He opened up the small box labeled ‘Decorations’ and pulled out a little clay heart attached to a string. He smiled fondly at it, it was the first gift he ever got from his little brother years ago, a little knick-knack he had made in art class. He remembered that when his brother gave it to him he was apologizing profusely because there was a small chip on it. He had apparently tripped on his way into the house, so excited to give Jeongin the little ornament, and had dropped it. Jeongin smiled at the memory as he placed the ornament on his tree gently, making sure it could be easily seen by anyone who looked at the tree. He reached into the box for another ornament as Joy by NCT Dream started playing.  _ Oh, good song.  _ Jeongin hummed along as he decorated, imagining his brothers were with him. 

**_BANG! BANG! BANG!_ **

“Hey! Open up!” Someone shouted from outside Jeongin’s apartment door, startling him. He put down the ornament in his hand and raced to the door. 

“Hello, how can I help- Oh! Chan-hyung!” Jeongin smiled at his next-door neighbor and close friend. “What’s up?”

“Jeongin… you remember how thin the walls are here?” Chan asks, very clearly annoyed. Jeongin thinks for a minute, confused by the question before he realizes. He had been blasting music for  **at least** an hour, in an apartment building full of sleep-deprived college students, almost all of which had assignments to work on. 

“Oh my god! I am  **so** sorry hyung!” Jeongin apologized profusely, cheeks turning red from embarrassment. “I didn’t even think about it! I just missed my family and wanted to continue the tradition even if I can’t do it with them this year and I didn’t stop to think about the other tenants. I’ll turn it down. I’m really really  **really** sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Innie.” Chan smiled softly, “But lots of the residents are trying to study. They don’t need to hear NCT blasting through the whole building. BamBam already ran away to the library to study and you know how much he hates studying there.” Jeongin nodded, feeling even guiltier now. BamBam-hyung was Chan-hyung’s roommate and Jeongin had just annoyed him so much he fleed his apartment. 

“Sorry, I’ll turn it off.” Jeongin apologized again. “You can tell hyung he can come back to the dorm.” Jeongin frowned. Chan looked at him with a sad look on his face, clearly, Jeongin was upset over  **something** ...he mentioned missing his family, right? 

“Innie, you mentioned something about a family tradition?” Chan asked as Jeongin was about to shut the door. 

“Yeah, it’s nothing hyung.” Jeongin muttered. 

“Jeongin, I know you. It isn’t ‘nothing’. Tell me.” Chan said in his soft, sweet, ‘I care about you’ voice. Jeongin sighed, he couldn’t fight against that voice, not from Chan.

“My family has a tradition where we put the tree up together and watch White Christmas after.” Jeongin told him. “This year though they’re in the US visiting my brother so I’m alone.” He shrugged as if this were no big deal. 

“Oh that sounds nice,” Chan said before processing the second sentence Jeongin said. “Wait, you’re going to be  **alone** this Christmas?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jeongin said, shrugging again. “That’s why I was putting up the tree myself and blasting the music. Was hoping I could get rid of the lonely feeling.” He laughed as if to say ‘stupid idea right?’ They both just stood in uncomfortable silence in the doorway for what felt like years when Chan finally broke the silence.

“Do you want help?”

“What?” Jeongin asked, not sure if he heard right.

“Do you want help? Putting up the tree, decorating?” Chan asked. 

“Don’t you have assignments to do?” Jeongin asked.  _ That was the reason you came over and tried to break down my door anyways right?  _

“Yeah, but I can do that later.” Chan shrugged.

“Why?” Jeongin was confused.

“Because… no one deserves to be alone on Christmas.” Chan said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Especially not my little Innie.” Jeongin groaned at the nickname but stepped back to let Chan into his apartment when he suddenly remembered how much of his stuff was just spread around his dorm and quickly shut the door in Chan’s face in a panic. 

“Hold on a minute!” Jeongin shouted at the sound of surprise from Chan and quickly ‘cleaned’; his apartment, shoving things into cabinets and throwing things into his bedroom and ran back to open the door for Chan. “Sorry about that, come in.” Chan stared at him frozen in confusion before randomly cracking up and walking into Jeongin’s apartment.

Jeongin stood awkwardly at the door as Chan walked around his small apartment, checking out the space. Once he spotted the tree and decoration box in the corner he made a beeline to it and picked an ornament out of it. 

“You wanna turn the music back on? I actually really like that song.” Chan spoke, not looking away from the fox ornament in his hands. “Maybe a bit quieter this time.” Jeongin was still rooted where he stood, just staring at Chan.  _ What the hell is going on? Bang Chan is in my apartment and he’s going to decorate my apartment with me? Am I dreaming? I have to be dreaming right?  _ “Jeongin?” Chan called to him when the music didn’t start. “Jeongin?” He tried again, walking over to him this time, clearly very concerned. “Innie?” He nearly shouted, shaking Jeongin by the shoulder. 

“Huh?” Jeongin said, finally back to earth. “Oh, right, music. Got it.” He walked over to his phone and clicked play and then turned down his speakers.  _ So Chan-hyung likes NCT huh? Gonna make a mental note of that.  _ Chan smiled as he heard the music start and returned to the tree Jeongin had put in the corner and started hanging ornaments on the tree after closely inspecting each one. Jeongin still had not moved from his position in front of his speakers.  _ Bang Chan is  _ **_in_ ** _ my apartment, decorating  _ **_my_ ** _ Christmas tree. What the  _ **_fuck._ **

“Are you going to help Innie? Or just stand and stare?” Chan asked, still facing the tree. 

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” Jeongin apologized and went to join Chan putting ornaments on the tree. It seemed Jeongin was needing to apologize to Chan a lot.  _ Why am I so insufferably awkward? Why was I made this way?  _ They decorated in awkward silence, at least it was awkward to Jeongin _ ,  _ for twenty minutes when Chan gasped excitedly as a new song played. 

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Chan smiled as he started to sing along. It took Jeongin a minute to recognize the song playing, it was Confession Song by GOT7, Jeongin had forgotten that was even on his playlist.  _ I meant to delete this months ago.  _ Chan had stopped decorating and was now fully focused on singing along to the song, making his own choreography to go along with it.  _ He’s such a dork.  _ Chan’s choreo got increasingly more ridiculous and embarrassing until it got to be far too much for Jeongin to handle and he dissolved into a fit of giggles. 

“Hyung, you look hahaha so ridiculous ahaha.” Jeongin barely got out the sentence through his laughter. Chan frowned for half a second before he broke into a grin himself. 

“That’s because I’m dancing alone.” He smiled before grabbing Jeongin’s arm and pulling him closer. “I’ll look less ‘ridiculous’ if you dance with me.” Jeongin spluttered some incoherent refusals as he was pulled closer and turned bright red.  _ Why is he holding me like we’re going to waltz? This is a fast song, isn’t it?  _ Just as Jeongin had that thought, Chan started dancing a slow dance, urging Jeongin to move with him. Jeongin urged his limbs to work and started dancing with Chan.  _ A slow dance to Confession Song. This is absolutely ridiculous but at least it’s with Chan-hyung.  _ Jeongin smiled softly and closed his eyes, letting Chan take the lead as he swayed to the music. He really enjoyed the atmosphere around them, it felt warm, comforting, safe. Being here, with Chan, somehow felt like home to Jeongin. He let himself get lost in the moment, just listening to Chan softly singing along to the song as they waltzed around his small apartment. 

‘You might not feel the same way I do. I may never see you again that’s what I’m afraid of. Don’t have the courage to tell you. With this song let me open my heart to you.’ Jeongin unconsciously sighed sadly to himself. _I know exactly how they feel. This is why I tried to delete this song from the playlist. It’s far too relatable right now, it makes me feel sad._ Jeongin didn’t notice the look on Chan’s face or the fact that he had said those words out loud. He just hummed contently and continued to dance. When the sleigh bells in the song started to fade out Jeongin opened his eyes to see that sometime during their dance they had gotten even closer to the point that their bodies were practically touching. Yet again, Jeongin turned bright red. _This is_ ** _too close._** Jeongin pushed away from Chan and walked back to the tree. 

“We should keep decorating if we ever want to get done.” Jeongin said, making sure he didn’t look at Chan.  _ This is too much….I made it awkward, didn’t I? _

“Innie, are you okay?” Chan asked, using that his soft, sweet, ‘I care about you’ voice again. Honestly, Jeongin could just melt listening to his voice. 

“Of course I’m fine Hyung,” Jeongin tried to reassure him. “I just want to finish decorating.”

“If everything is okay then why are you avoiding looking at me?” Chan asked trying to get Jeongin to meet his eyes, which Jeongin was **expertly** avoiding.

“I’m not.” Jeongin said, mostly trying to convince himself. “As I said, I just want to decorate.” 

“I don’t believe you but okay.” Chan sighed, joining Jeongin to decorate the tree. Yet again, an awkward silence fell over them minus the sounds of the music in the background. Jeongin felt bad, he could tell Chan felt uncomfortable now and it was his fault but he had no way to make it better. He always somehow ended up making things awkward around the older and he hated it.  _ Why can’t I get through  _ **_one_ ** _ conversation with Chan-hyung without bringing it to a screeching halt at least once? I just wish I could make it better…. OH WAIT!  _

“Hey Hyung?” Jeongin called to him, the sudden noise startling the older boy. 

“Yeah, Innie?” Chan responded as he put a star-shaped ornament on the tree.  _ Hey, Yedam gave that one to me. Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen hi- No! Focus!  _

“I, um, I was wondering if you have any plans for the rest of the day?” Jeongin stumbled over the question. Chan looked at him quizzically. 

“I spontaneously decided to help you decorate your dorm and my roommate literally fled hours ago. What part of that made you think I have plans?” Chan asked him sarcastically. 

“I dunno…” Jeongin mumbled. “You have other friends you could have made plans with. Decorating a tree doesn’t take all night.” 

Chan laughed. “Well, it seems like it does at the pace we’re going. But no. I have no plans. Why?” 

“Oh, well another part of my family’s tradition is that after we finish decorating we watch White Christmas together.” Jeongin explained, speaking very quickly. “So I was wondering if maybe you’d like to watch it with me? As a thank you for helping me? I also have some hot chocolate mix we could make.”

“I-” Chan started but was interrupted as Jeongin spoke again. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to though it was just an idea.” Jeongin mumbled. 

Chan rolled his eyes, smiling, and placed a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder. “I’d love to. However, if I am going to be here all night I want food. Let me order a pizza real quick.” Jeongin nodded quickly and Chan smiled again, pulling out his phone. “I’ll be right back, you like pepperoni right?” Jeongin nodded again and Chan left the room to order the pizza.  _ Why would he leave the room instead of just asking me to turn down the music? What a dork.  _ Jeongin grinned widely as he continued putting ornaments on the tree, humming along to I’ll Be Home For Christmas (one of his favorites).  _ Chan said yes. He agreed to stay and watch the movie with me.  _ **_And_ ** _ we’re having dinner together, which Chan is buying right now. Is this real life? It can’t be real life. Stuff like this does  _ **_not_ ** _ happen to me.  _

“Hey, the pizza will be here in like 45 minutes. So we can probably finish decorating in that time if we focus.” Chan said, smiling when he saw the dazed, slightly pink Jeongin by the tree. “Oh, I ordered 2 pizzas because I know you could go through at least one by yourself.”

“Hey! That’s not true!” Jeongin pouted, he did enjoy eating but there’s no way he could finish a whole pizza. He’s tiny. 

“Innie, I’ve seen you do it before.” Chan laughed. “Remember when everyone came over to mine and BamBam’s dorm for a sleepover? Jisung almost killed you because you ate all of the bacon and pepperoni pizza. Said it was his favorite and that he ‘didn’t care that the hyungs will kill me for killing him.’” Jeongin laughed, Jisung was crazy sometimes, okay all the time, but he was definitely one of the more fun hyungs. 

“That was  **one** time when I literally hadn’t eaten more than a few chips in a month. That doesn’t count.” Jeongin said pointedly. “Now let’s finish decorating. I’m getting hungry.” 

They finished decorating the tree in 30 minutes thanks to Jeongin stopping Chan from doing an extreme lip-sync to Mistletoe. Shortly after that the pizza arrived, Chan paid for it after refusing to let Jeongin chip in anything, and the two sat down on the couch to eat.

“So, not to pry or anything,” Chan said around a mouthful of pizza. “but why aren’t you spending Chrismas break with your family? You’re from Busan, right? That’s not that far to travel.”

“You’re right it’s not that far.” Jeongin said, setting down his own pizza. “It’s about 2 hours via KTX.”

“So why don’t you go?” Chan asked, confused. 

“Because they aren’t there.” Jeongin said as if this made perfect sense. At Chan’s confused look he sighed. “My older brother is studying abroad, New York. They went there to surprise him. It was only supposed to be for a few days but they decided to stay longer. I couldn’t go because of classes.” Chan frowned, clearly he understood how Jeongin felt. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry. It sucks not being with your family at Christmas.” Chan said, offering a comforting smile. “But you have your JYU family right?”

“No, they all headed home already.” Jeongin said, taking a bite of pizza. “The only people left are you and BamBam-hyung.” 

“Exactly, you’ll celebrate with us! You, me, and Bam. A little family Christmas.” Chan smiled happily. “We’re practically the parents of our little group anyways so it makes sense.”

“I don’t think hyung will like you making plans for him.” Jeongin joked, trying not to cry at Chan’s offer.  _ He’s too nice.  _

“You and I both know he’d cut off his own leg if it were for you. So would I.” Chan said mumbling the last part. Jeongin was about to ask him what he said when Chan spoke up again. “Besides, he was complaining yesterday about having nothing to do for Christmas besides study, he’ll love spending it with you.”  _ Will you too?  _ Jeongin shook that thought away as quickly as it came. 

“Okay, it’s a deal.” Jeongin decided. “Now hurry up and finish your pizza. I want to watch the movie.” He picked up his plate and put it in the sink to clean up later. “I’ll make hot chocolate. Do you want marshmallows or whipped cream?” 

“Um, both?” Chan answered, mouth yet again filled with pizza.  _ Well, I did tell him to hurry up so that one is my fault. _

“Sugarbug.” Jeongin teased, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. When he finished making the hot chocolate Chan had already cleared his plate and taken a spot on the couch, the very small couch.  _ I did not think this through.  _ Jeongin took a deep breath before walking into his ‘living room’. “Here’s your cocoa.” Jeongin said, handing Chan the cup and then heading to sit in the chair next to the couch Chan was on. 

“Hey, why are you sitting over there?” Chan asked. “Come on, your couch is plenty big enough for us both. Plus it actually has a straight-on view of the TV and I know you wanna see this movie.” Jeongin groaned inwardly.  _ Yes, I want to see this movie but if we sit that close I think I’ll explode.  _

“I’m okay here.” Jeongin said, which was a complete lie. There was a glare on the screen that made it so half of it couldn’t be seen, Jeongin would deal with that. 

“No you’re not, I can tell the light outside is gonna cause a huge glare.” Chan said.  _ Damn you you observant asshole.  _ “Just come sit over here. I promise I don’t bite.” Jeongin was going to argue again but decided against it. He knew Chan would be able to convince him eventually, no point delaying the inevitable. He clumsily shuffled over to the couch and sat down on the couch, sitting as far away from Chan as he could comfortably. Jeongin grabbed the remote from his coffee table and opened Netflix. Minus the loud pounding of his heart, Jeongin was actually having a good time. He quietly cheered when the movie started and did an excited wiggle. 

“You’re adorable.” Chan giggled, staring at Jeongin who, for the millionth time that night, turned bright red. 

“Pay attention to the movie Hyung.” Jeongin said, eyes glued to the screen. Chan laughed and carefully shifted closer to Jeongin. 

“Okay, I’m paying attention. I promise.” Chan smiled at Jeongin.  _ Cute.  _

They made it pretty far into the movie, Jeongin had laughed, cried(Chan made fun of him for that one before he cried himself), cheered. However now, as Count Your Blessings Instead Of Sheep played, Jeongin’s eyes started to feel heavy. Something about this song always made him sleepy, it was soothing somehow.  _ So if you're worried and you can't sleep, count your blessings _ _ -.  _ Those were the last words Jeongin heard before he fell asleep completely. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ugh,” Jeongin groaned as he woke up.  _ What time is it?  _ He went to reach for his phone, he always set it on the nightstand before he went to bed, but he couldn’t seem to find it. He decided to check the other side but when he went to roll over he ran into something.  _ What the hell?  _ Jeongin opened his eyes and was greeted by Chan’s sleeping face, 3 inches away from his own. “What the HELL?” Jeongin shouted, trying to push away from Chan. He couldn’t get away though, as Chan’s arms were wrapped around Jeongin’s waist. When Jeongin shouted, Chan’s arms wrapped tighter around his waist.  _ Chan hyung’s arms are around my waist. I was sleeping next to Chan-hyung.  _ **_No,_ ** _ I was sleeping  _ **_in_ ** _ Chan-hyung’s arms.  _

  
“Five more minutes, Innie.” Chan mumbled in his sleep. “I’m tired.” He pulled Jeongin closer and buried his face in his neck. Jeongin froze,  _ Okay, I know I’ve been saying this a lot. But this can  _ **_not_ ** _ be real.  _ He sighed,  _ I’m just going to go with it.  _ He relaxed into Chan’s arms and closed his eyes. They could sleep a while longer. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Knock! Knock! Knock!**

Jeongin groaned at the sound and rolled over,  _ Wanna sleep more, go away.  _ Jeongin was about to fall back asleep when he heard voices coming from nearby. He decided to listen in, though he knew eavesdropping was rude, he was far too curious. 

“So, how was last night?” Someone asked, clearly teasing by his tone. 

“It was fine,”  _ That’s Chan-hyung’s voice.  _ “And stop looking at me like that Bam. Nothing happened.”  _ Oh, so he’s talking to BamBam-hyung. That makes sense….Wait, why is BamBam-hyung in my apartment?  _

“You’re telling me you were over here all night. Slept over too. And nothing happened?” BamBam asked.  _ What are they talking about? _

“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Chan said, clearly slightly annoyed at this point. Most people would not be able to tell when Chan was feeling annoyed, he was quite good at keeping his emotions hidden. However, Jeongin had gotten better at reading Chan’s emotions recently. “Now, leave before he wakes up and asks what you’re doing here or at least stop teasing me. Then you can stay for breakfast.” 

“Fine, I’m done for now.” BamBam conceded, “However, that’s only because I’m hungry and you make good breakfast.” 

Chan sighed, “You sit at the table and I’ll get started.” Jeongin heard the door shut and someone walking around his apartment. He desperately wanted to take a look but he didn’t know which way his hyungs were facing and didn’t want them to know he had been listening to them the whole time. 

_ It’s cold and uncomfortable on the couch. How did I sleep here all night?  _ Jeongin remembered that he had fallen asleep in Chan’s arms.  _ Oh right, that’s how. It was warm with Hyung. Too cold now.  _ Jeongin sighed and rolled over, curling up on himself, trying to get warmer. 

“Aren’t you going to wake up Jeongin-ah?” BamBam asked Chan. 

“Not yet, I’ll wait.” Chan responded it sounded like he was pulling things out of the cupboard. “Besides, he looks cute when he’s sleeping.”  _ Did he just say he thinks I look cute?! _

“You think he looks cute all the time, Channie.” BamBam sighed. 

“Literally shut up.” Chan said and, judging by the noise of pain BamBam made, must have hit him. 

_ Did- did BamBam just say Chan-hyung thinks I’m cute? I must still be dreaming, there’s no way. I have to be asleep still.  _ Jeongin sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes. 

“Channie-hyung?” Jeongin called. “You’re still here? What time is it?” He ran a hand through his messy hair. 

“Uh, yeah Innie. I’m still here.” Chan said, cheeks tinted light pink.  _ That’s cute. Wait, why is he blushing? _ “And it’s around 10am. I’m making breakfast.” 

Jeongin nodded, standing up from the couch and stretching. Surprisingly, he was not as sore as he usually was when he fell asleep on the couch. He turned to walk towards the kitchen and made eye contact with BamBam. “Oh, BamBam-hyung! You’re here too?” 

“Yeah, I came a few minutes ago.” BamBam smiled, his smile, like Chan’s, was warm and comforting. Jeongin felt safe around BamBam too, though not as much as around Chan. “My roommate disappeared yesterday. Had to make sure nothing bad happened to him.” 

Chan scoffed at that, making Jeongin laugh. “Well, it’s good you’re here. I wanted to apologize to you.” Jeongin said, the smile on both of their faces instantly gone. 

“Apologize to me? For what?” BamBam asked, clearly confused. 

“For the noise yesterday,” Jeongin explained. “I wasn’t thinking and turned my music up too loud. Channie-hyung told me you had to leave so you could study.” Jeongin frowned, feeling really bad again. 

“Oh did he?” BamBam said, looking at Chan who was focused on the french toast he was making. Something about BamBam’s tone confused Jeongin, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint it so he moved on. 

“Yeah he did,” Jeongin confirmed. “I’m very sorry for all the trouble I caused yesterday and I promise it won’t happen again.” Jeongin said, bowing low as he did. 

“Don’t worry about it Jeongin-ah.” BamBam reassured him. “Just come sit down. I’m starving and I think your hovering is making Channie nervous.” 

“Kim BamBam, be quiet or I’ll purposefully burn your food.” Chan threatened, making Jeongin laugh as he sat down next to BamBam. He enjoyed this, waking up to Chan’s voice and smile in the morning. He could definitely get used to it. BamBam and Jeongin chatted while Chan made their breakfast, mostly they talked about classes and the other members of their little group. BamBam told Jeongin that Felix, who was originally an Australian exchange student but decided to stay after he got close to the boys, had gotten sick and was refusing to let anyone go within 15 feet of him because he didn’t want to get anyone else sick during the holidays. Jeongin knew he’d give up on that eventually, he was way too cuddly of a human to avoid interaction when sick. Jeongin told BamBam how Chan made up his own choreography to Confession Song and how ridiculous he looked doing it. He left out the part about slow dancing with Chan, that was their little secret. They chatted for what felt like hours, Jeongin the happiest and most relaxed he had been in weeks. 

“So Jeonginnie,” BamBam started. “I have a question for you.”

“Yeah, what is it hyung?” Jeongin asked, startled by the sudden serious look on the older boy’s face. 

“Do you like anyone?” BamBam asked bluntly. Jeongin’s eyes widened at the question. 

“W-what? Why are you asking me that hyung?” Jeongin spluttered, bright red.  _ Why is he suddenly bringing this up  _ **_now_ ** _? _

“What? Can I not be curious about my juniors?” BamBam asked. “Besides, as the oldest, it’s my job to take care of you so, do you like anyone?” He asked again. Jeongin couldn’t decide how to respond, he could tell the truth but that would most likely result in him asking who it was. A question that Jeongin was not willing to answer. Or he could lie, say he didn’t like anyone right now, but there was a good chance of BamBam seeing right through that and therefore connecting the dots that Jeongin had to be crushing on someone in the room. Which narrows down the candidates a lot. 

Jeongin took a deep breath before answering, “Yes, I like someone.”

“Who?” Jeongin wasn’t surprised by the response, he knew it was coming. He was shocked, however, by the fact that it was  **Chan** who had asked, not BamBam. It seemed like BamBam was shocked too as he turned to face the Aussie. 

“I- Um-” Jeongin stuttered, not being able to think due to the way Chan was staring at him.  _ Why does he look so pissed at me? This is nerve-wracking.  _ “ No one you know, Hyung.” 

“Oh, are you sure?” BamBam asked, carefully keeping an eye on Chan. “I know more people than you think.” 

“I’m sure Hyung.” Jeongin said, digging himself into a deeper hole. “They don’t even go to this university.” 

“Oh, I see.” BamBam said, looking at Chan with...was that concern? Pity? No, it was a sympathy.  _ But why?  _ “Well, hopefully, we’ll get to meet this person eventually?” 

“Eventually.” Jeongin agreed. The atmosphere had gotten really uncomfortable and tense, Jeongin was starting to feel anxious. 

“Here, the food’s done.” Chan said, setting a plate of french toast down in front of BamBam. 

“Thank god, I was starving.” BamBam joked, clearly trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t really work. 

“It looks delicious Hyung.” Jeongin said, smiling softly. Then he realized that he didn’t have a plate for him. “Where’s mine?” Jeongin was confused, usually, if Chan cooked he made sure Jeongin got the first plate. Jeongin always thought that was silly, he felt his hyungs should get their food first but at the same time he did enjoy the special treatment. So why was Chan not even giving him a plate today?

“Ah I forgot to grab one for you. Sorry, Jeongin. There’s some french toast left on the counter though.” Chan said, pointing over his shoulder to the kitchenette. Jeongin frowned and walked over to the kitchen.  _ Have I done something to upset Chan-hyung? I don’t understand.  _

Jeongin came back to the little table once he got his food, sitting back down next to BamBam. He took a bite of his french toast after he sat down, it was delicious. He told Chan as much but the older boy responded with nothing more than a grunt of acknowledgment. Jeongin shot BamBam a confused look. BamBam only returned the look with a sympathetic frown. What had he done? Did he say something wrong? Jeongin tried so hard to figure it out but came up with nothing. Once they had all finished breakfast, BamBam offered to do the dishes but Jeongin told him not to. He was a guest in Jeongin’s home, after all, so Jeongin said he’d do them once his hyungs left. The entire time, Chan hadn’t said one word to Jeongin. Jeongin could feel his anxiety levels getting higher and higher.  _ Why is he so mad at me? What did I do? Does he hate me now? Is he going to stop talking to me? I don’t understand why is this happening what did I do?  _ Jeongin felt himself getting panicked so he quickly ushered his hyungs out of the dorm, making an excuse about having studying to do.  _ I can’t let Channie-hyung see me like this. _

Jeongin locked his front door and slid down to the floor, resting the back of his head against the door.  _ What did I do, why is he mad at me, what did I do? I don’t want Channie upset with me. Please, someone, tell me what I did wrong.  _ It was getting harder for Jeongin to breath, his breaths becoming short and uneven. He could feel his eyes starting to water. Chan had never treated him like this before, even when they first met Chan was kind to him. Even when they got into fights, Chan was always kind to him and he  **never** called Jeongin by his full name, he  **always** called him Innie. So what had Jeongin done to make Chan this upset? He didn’t understand. Jeongin was fully crying now, his body shaking with the force of his sobs. He didn’t realize how much it would hurt to have Chan be mad at him. Jeongin cried and cried until no more tears would come out. Jeongin felt awful, and there was nothing that he could do to make himself feel better. He wanted to talk to Chan, he missed Chan and it hadn’t even been a full day since he’d seen him.  _ I just want to see Chan-hyung.  _

Jeongin had apparently fallen asleep against the door after his panic attack.  _ Two days in a row of not sleeping in my own bed. My body is going to  _ **_hate_ ** _ me.  _ He got up to stretch and winced as he heard his bones crack.  _ I’m definitely going to sleep in my bed tonight. I can’t keep sleeping out on the couch or the floor.  _ Jeongin groaned as he tried to move, his entire body hurt. He made a beeline for the bathroom and drew himself a bath.  _ I’ve decided. I’m going to pamper myself today… maybe it’ll make me feel better.  _

Jeongin spent the whole day spoiling himself. He had a nice bath, ordered in pizza, wrote some stuff, listened to his favorite playlist entitled ‘Songs I Will Listen To Until I Die’, and did not move off his couch unless absolutely necessary. Overall it was a really great day, he had almost completely forgotten about the Chan problem banging at the back of his head. 

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Jeongin was woken up by a blinding ray of sun shining directly onto his previously sleeping face. He had apparently forgotten to close the blinds in his bedroom, which was extremely stupid of him. He groaned as he rolled out of bed and headed out to the main room of his dorm. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and checked the time, it was 9:30 so Jeongin decided to go to the library to study. He enjoyed the atmosphere in the library, they had floor to ceiling windows that had a beautiful view of the park outside. Plus, going would get his mind off of Chan. It had been 2 weeks since he had last truly spoken to Chan. Jeongin would occasionally cross paths with him in their dorms or on campus but Chan would always run off or make awkward small talk before saying he had somewhere to be and  **then** running off. Jeongin was seriously missing talking to his hyung and it was annoying that he never got a chance to say more than ‘hello’ to him. He had been thinking about Chan and the stupid situation they were in non-stop and it was seriously affecting his grades as well as his mental health. So, with the goal of getting some work done and getting his mind of  **him** , he grabbed his book bag and headed out. 

The library was pretty much deserted when he got there. The perfect conditions for studying in Jeongin’s mind. He took his usual seat by the window, spread out his books, and got to work studying. He had a lot of work to get done so he had the perfect distraction against thinking about Chan. Jeongin had completely lost himself in studying when someone tapped him on the shoulder, startling him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you Little Fox.” A deep voice laughed. 

“You didn’t really startle me Felix-hyung. I was just focused and didn’t notice you.” Jeongin smiled, closing his book. “What’s up?”

“Just came to see if you wanted to join us for lunch.” Felix said. “I don’t know how long you’ve been here but  **I’ve** been here for an hour and you were here when I came.” Jeongin looked at him confused and then looked at the clock, it was 1:30. He had been at the library for 5 hours and hadn’t moved the whole time. 

“Um, sure I’ll come.” Jeongin said, packing up his things, when he had a realization. “Wait, who’s ‘us’?”

“Huh?” Felix asked.

“You said ‘if you want to join  **us** for lunch.’ Who else is coming?” Jeongin clarified.

“You, me, Seungmin, Minho-hyung, and Chan-hyung.” Felix said, listing them on his fingers. 

Jeongin sighed, “I just realized I have a few assignments I need to get done so I can’t go.” That was a complete lie, Jeongin had worked on, and finished, the assignments he needed to get done by the end of break, but there was no way he could handle lunch with Chan. 

“Oh,” Felix pouted. “Are you sure? We’re going to get hotpot and Seungminnie is buying.”

Jeongin’s stomach growled at that point, fully giving him away. But he  **really** couldn’t handle lunch with Chan. So, in his best begging voice, he asked Felix if he could sit between him and Seungmin. Jeongin figured they were the safest bet because Chan usually sat next to Minho or BamBam when they went out. Felix’s face shifted from the pout to a full sunshine smile as he agreed to Jeongin’s terms. So, Jeongin packed up the rest of his stuff and the two of them headed to the restaurant to meet the others.

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They ended up not getting hotpot. Everyone had failed to check to see if the place would be open. Minho suggested just staying in someone’s dorm and ordering pizza, which everyone booed, they went out for a reason and it was  **not** just to go back to their dorms. Eventually, they decided on Korean BBQ which was delicious but an extremely awkward experience. 

Jeongin got to sit between Seungmin and Felix like he asked. However, Chan had somehow gotten sat directly across from him and was  **completely** avoiding talking to him… by not talking at all.Which the rest of the table clearly noticed, as they kept trying to get Chan to engage in conversation. On top of the awkward conversation, Jeongin could’ve sworn he felt Chan staring at him but when he went to check Chan was always looking somewhere else.  _ I seriously don’t know what I did wrong. Why won’t he just tell me?  _ Jeongin groaned annoyed outloud accidentally, causing everyone at the table to look at him confused. He quickly shook his head, signalling to the boys that there was nothing to worry about and they went back to their conversation. Which sounded like they were arguing about whether or not Jisung was planning to break into Minho’s apartment and steal his food and his cats? It was hard to keep up with the conversations they were having. Jeongin was doing his best to keep up and engage in the conversation himself but it was hard due to the voice in the back of his head constantly screaming at him about Chan.  _ You know what, I’m going to ask BamBam-hyung. He must know why Chan-hyung is upset.  _ Jeongin suddenly stood up out of his seat, startling Felix. 

“Sorry Hyung.” Jeongin apologized. “But I have to go, I have some more studying to do and I have to clean my apartment a bit.” Jeongin was trying to find the best excuse so his hyungs would let him leave. 

“It’s fine Jeongin-ah.” Seungmin said. “You go study, we understand.” There was a tone in his voice that made Jeongin think he knew he was  **not** leaving to go study, but Jeongin ignored that. 

“Yeah, don’t worry Jeonginnie.” Minho smiled. “Do you need a ride back to the dorms or are you gonna walk?” 

“I’ll just walk, Hyung.” Jeongin said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Thank you for the food hyungs. Bye-bye!” Jeongin wiggled his way past Seungmin and to the exit, making sure to wave to them before he left, Chan ignored that too. Jeongin frowned when he turned away but quickly shook it off, he was on a mission, he needed to talk to BamBam. 

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It took Jeongin less time than usual to get to the dorms from the BBQ restaurant. He assumed it was a combination of dumb luck from hitting virtually no ‘Don’t walk’ signs and the sheer speed at which he was walking. He jogged up the stairs, which his hyungs would tell you he never did, unless of course there was somehow food waiting for him, and headed straight for BamBam and Chan’s apartment. He knocked on the door and then took a step back, just in case he changed his mind and wanted to flee. He was genuinely about to flee when he heard shuffling on the other side of the door, a bang of some sort, and then the door opened.  _ Too late to run now.  _

“Oh, Innie!” BamBam smiled when he saw who was at the door. “What are you doing here?” 

“I have a question for you, Hyung.” Jeongin said, “Can I come in?” BamBam looked concerned but moved back to allow Jeongin into the apartment. Jeongin walked in, muttering a thanks, and then hovered in the living room area. 

“Do you want to sit down Innie?” BamBam asked, gesturing at the couch. Jeongin nodded and sat down, BamBam following suit and sitting next to him. “So, what did you want to ask me?”

Jeongin took a deep breath. “Do you know why Chan-hyung is mad at me?” BamBam looked at him stunned for a second but then his face turned more towards an empathetic expression. 

“Why do you think he’s mad at you?” BamBam asked.

“Well, yesterday he suddenly stopped joking and laughing with me? Remember when he made breakfast? Also, he stopped calling me Innie, he’s been calling me ‘Jeongin-ah’ which he hasn’t called me since the week we met.” Jeongin’s expression got increasingly sadder as he spoke. “Plus today at lunch he kept avoiding looking at me and avoided talking altogether.”

“Oh.” BamBam said.  _ ‘Oh.’ That’s it?  _

“And I just don’t understand? What did I do? I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure it out and I just can’t figure out anything I’ve done to make him upset. I hate this hyung, I hate him not talking to me. I hate him trying to avoid looking at me. I hate not seeing his smile, especially not seeing it directed at me. I just don’t understand what I did and I miss him, Hyung.” At this point, Jeongin was crying and heading towards another panic attack. 

“Innie, calm down it’s okay. You’re okay.” BamBam tried to comfort him, wrapping his arms around the younger boy and pulling him into his lap. BamBam knew exactly how to comfort Jeongin during his panic attacks, he was actually one of the few of his hyungs Jeongin had, unfortunately, had a panic attack in front of. At this point he had avoided letting Chan see him like this, he didn’t want Chan to treat him like a fragile baby who could lose it at any moment. Truly he didn’t want anyone to see him like this, but Jeongin had been with BamBam when he was cramming for an exam and worrying about his grades and that devolved into an attack. So, after that BamBam tried his best to calm Jeongin when it seemed like he was about to have an attack or when he had already begun to have one. 

Jeongin leaned into BamBam’s chest and did his best to try and calm his breathing, just as BamBam was telling him to do. **In and out, in and out.** “That’s it Jeongin, deep breaths you’re okay.” BamBam spoke softly, rubbing circles on his back.

Slowly but surely, Jeongin’s breathing evened out and he calmed down. BamBam gently removed his arms from around his back and moved back to see Jeongin’s face. He frowned slightly as he wiped the tears from Jeongin’s face. 

“Sorry Hyung.” Jeongin sniffled. “I don’t know why I’m freaking out this much.”

“Jeongin, can I ask you a question?” BamBam spoke softly.

“Yeah.” 

“Do you like Channie?” Jeongin looked up at BamBam stunned.

“I- um, I-” Jeongin took a deep breath. “Yeah. I do Hyung.”

BamBam nodded, “That’s what I thought. Jeonginnie, you should ask Chan why he’s ignoring you. I’m not exactly sure why myself but I can tell you this. He isn’t mad at you.” 

“What do you mean, Hyung?” Jeongin asked, puzzled. “How could he not be mad at me?” 

“I can’t answer that for you, Innie.” BamBam said. “You really need to ask him yourself. I promise it will all make sense.” Jeongin nodded and stood up cautiously. 

“Thank you, BamBam-hyung.” Jeongin smiled, unconvincingly. 

“Any time, Innie. I hope it goes well.” BamBam said from the couch.

“Yeah… me too Hyung.” Jeongin said, leaving BamBam’s apartment and heading into his own. 

Jeongin entered his apartment and immediately flopped onto his bed face-first. His head was swarming with conflicting thoughts. Should he listen to BamBam and talk to Chan? Should he ignore what BamBam said? He couldn’t decide, he was going back and forward for at least an hour when someone knocked at the door.  _ Who could that  _ **_possibly_ ** _ be?  _ Jeongin grumbled as he climbed out of his bed. He just wanted to wallow on his own. How could someone possibly need me right now? Jeongin opened the door and-  _ What the hell is Channie-hyung doing here?! _

“Um, hey,” Chan said awkwardly. “BamBam told me you wanted to talk to me?”  _ I want to be mad at BamBam-hyung but that was incredibly smart of him.  _

“Oh,” Jeongin said.  _ Intelligent Yang Jeongin. Intelligent.  _ “Come in.” Jeongin awkwardly shuffled back to let Chan in and then followed him into the living room. They sat in awkward silence for a while when Chan spoke up. 

“So,” Chan started, hands awkwardly placed in his lap. “What did you want to ask me?”

This was it. Now or never. So why was it so hard for him to speak? Jeongin opened and closed his mouth probably 15 times before taking a few deep breaths and trying again. 

“Whyareyoumadatmehyung?” Jeongin muttered out, very quickly.

“What?” Chan asked. 

Jeongin took another deep breath and tried again. “Why are you mad at me Hyung?” Chan made a weird choking noise before he responded.

“Why do you think I’m mad at you Jeongin-ah?” Chan asked. 

“Well, that right there is an example.” Jeongin explained, to a very confused looking Chan. “You have literally  **never** called me Jeongin before. Not even when we first met. I told you my name and you immediately called me ‘Innie’.  **And** you’ve been ignoring me. Like the morning after we put up the Christmas tree you didn’t get me a plate when usually you  **always** serve me first or today at lunch you didn’t look at me or talk to me at all. I just wanna know what I did wrong so I can fix it, Hyung.” Jeongin said the entire speech very quickly, and really hoped Chan understood so he wouldn’t have to repeat his ramblings again. Jeongin couldn’t handle the eye contact anymore and looked down at his lap instead. “Hyung please, just tell me what I- oof.” Jeongin was cut off by Chan rapidly pulling him into his arms, pushing all the air out of his lungs as he was attacked by a bone-crushing hug. 

“I’m so sorry Innie.” Chan spoke into Jeongin’s shoulder. “I’m not mad at you.” Chan said, barely above a whisper. 

“What did you just say?” Jeongin asked, wanting to push Chan away to see his face, but feeling very safe and at-ease in Chan’s arms. He opted to stay in them.

“I’m not mad at you, Innie.” Chan sighed.  _ Then why have you been ignoring me for almost 3 weeks?  _ “I’m… I was… Well- I was jealous okay?!” Chan nearly shouted at the end, making Jeongin flinch back and cover his ears. He just stared at Chan, still recovering from the screaming, when what he had said finally registered in Jeongin’s mind.

“You- you were jealous?” Jeongin repeated very confused. “Of what, Hyung?” 

“You.” Chan said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Jeongin just looked at Chan confused, studying his face to see if he could work out what reason Chan could possibly have to be jealous of him.  _ This man is literally perfect. Why in the world would he be jealous of me?  _ Chan sighed, clearly he had realized Jeongin was not understanding. 

“Do you remember that morning after we put up your tree? When BamBam came over?” Jeongin nodded, of course he did. That’s the first time Chan started acting upset with him.

“Do you remember what BamBam asked you?” Jeongin nodded again.

“Yeah, he asked me if I liked anyone.” Jeongin still didn’t understand where Chan was going with this. 

“And you said?” Chan asked, trying to get Jeongin to understand by himself.

“I said I did have someone I liked.” Jeongin recalled. “Then you asked me who and I said it wasn’t anyone Hyung would know. That it wasn’t even someone from this university.” This time it was Chan’s turn to nod. Jeongin was still confused, why had Chan brought this up? He replayed that morning over and over in his mind trying to figure it out. 

_ Oh…  _

Suddenly Jeongin’s eyes widened as he connected the dots. The way Chan had always prioritized Jeongin, the way he always made sure he was taken care of, treated him like he was the most important person in the world. He had dropped everything he was doing just to help Jeongin decorate his Christmas tree. The way he reacted when Jeongin said he liked someone, how he almost seemed angry? And the way BamBam looked at Chan when Jeongin said he liked someone. 

**‘Aren’t you going to wake up Jeongin-ah?**

**Not yet, I’ll wait. Besides, he looks cute when he’s sleeping.**

**“You think he looks cute all the time, Channie.’**

_ Does Channie-hyung like me? That’s not possible right? He couldn’t possibly like...me? _

Jeongin shifted and looked up at Chan, who was currently looking anywhere but at Jeongin.  _ He must’ve noticed I realized?  _ “Hyung.” Jeongin called to him. Chan ignored it, opting to stare at what was apparently a very interesting bit of wall. “Hyung.” Jeongin tried again, still Chan didn’t budge. At this point, Jeongin could see that the tips of Chan ears had gone red.  _ He’s blushing...cute.  _ Jeongin couldn’t take it anymore, his heart was beating out of his chest and he needed Chan to answer his question. “Chan-hyung, look at me. Please.” Chan reacted to Jeongin’s voice this time but still refused to face Jeongin. 

_ Okay, that’s it.  _

Jeongin took a deep breath and lifted his arms to cup Chan’s cheeks, turning his head so he was forced to face Jeongin. With Chan finally facing him, Jeongin could see that his entire face had gone red not just his ears.  _ Yeah, definitely cute.  _

“Chan-hyung, tell me.” Jeongin said, still holding Chan’s face. He was afraid that if he let go Chan would turn away again. “Why were you jealous of me?” 

“You know why.” Chan mumbled out, avoiding Jeongin’s eyes. 

“No I don’t.” Jeongin said, he needed Chan to say it for him to believe it. “Please tell me why.”

“Innie.” Chan whined, clearly embarrassed.

“Hyung.” Jeongin whined back. He refused to give up, he needed to be sure. Needed to be sure this was real, that he didn’t put the pieces together wrong. 

“I like you okay?” Chan finally confessed. “I like you a lot and I definitely like you more than a friend. That’s why I was jealous. When BamBam asked you if you liked anyone and you said you did I- I don’t know what came over me but I was just so upset. Before that, when it was just a one-sided crush I was okay with that. Sure, logically I knew I had no chance but I still had that little bit of hope. You weren’t with anyone and didn’t like anyone that I knew of. So when you told BamBam you  **did** like someone that hope kind of got ripped away. The miniscule chance I thought I could’ve had was gone.” Jeongin frowned, he hadn’t meant to make Chan feel this way. 

“So, I decided the best thing for me to do was to distance myself from you. I hoped that by doing so my feelings for you would disappear or at the very least lessen a bit but that didn’t happen. Instead it seemed that my feelings were only amplified, I really missed seeing you. At the same time, I felt guilty whenever I was around you. Guilty for liking you when I’m supposed to take care of you like an older brother. Guilty because I could tell you felt awkward around me and it was my fault but I couldn’t do anything to fix it. I felt especially guilty because no matter how long I stay away or how much I try to stop it… I still like you.” At this point Chan had started to cry, which broke Jeongin’s heart. His hyung, his Channie, was crying because of him. Crying because he felt guilty for liking him. His Chan was sitting on his couch, crying, because Jeongin had said a stupid thing because he was scared of his own feelings. 

“Hyung, you shouldn’t feel guilty.” Jeongin said, gently wiping the tears from Chan’s face. “You have no reason to feel guilty, you know why?” Chan finally made eye contact with Jeongin and his heart squeezed when he saw the look on Chans’s face, the fear, agony, and hope in those teary eyes. He smiled at Chan reassuringly as he wiped away another tear. “I like you too, hyung.”

“You do?” Chan blinked, astonished that Jeongin would ever consider someone like him.  _ Why is he shocked? That makes no sense, not only does Chan have the  _ **_bod_ ** _ , he also has the  _ **_heart_ ** _. A six pack to nap on and biceps to squeeze the life out of me. What more does he think I want in a man? _

Jeongin grinned, inching closer to Chan on the couch. “You know, I’ve been thinking about that day you came over. When we danced to Confession Song?” 

“Hmm.” Chan hummed. “What about it?” 

“When we were dancing like that, I felt safer than I ever had before.” Jeongin sighed. “But I also felt sad-”

“I know.” Chan said softly, cutting Jeongin off. “You said so when we were dancing.” Jeongin looked at him shocked, not only because of what Chan had said but also because he realized they were now mere centimeters apart. Chan’s nose was practically touching Jeongin’s and the younger could feel his breath on his face. Jeongin took a deep breath and then leaned forward, closing the distance between them. Jeongin immediately melted into the kiss. It feels nothing like what Jeongin thought it would, there’s no fireworks or sparks, it feels nothing like the cliches Jeongin had heard. It feels natural, right, like they were made for each other. It felt like Jeongin was at home, just like he always had felt before in Chan’s arms. 

Then they pull away from each other, eyes wide and trying to catch their breath. Even though it was a chaste kiss it was still emotionally overwhelming for the pair. Jeongin looked up at Chan as he tried to catch his breath, smiling when they made eye contact. 

“I can confidently say this was the best Christmas of my life.” Jeongin laughed quietly. 

“Yeah, I think so too Innie.” Chan smiled, still breathless. Jeongin drops his hand from Chan’s face and leans down, wrapping his arms around Chan’s waist.

“I’m so tired of acting like I don’t like you, Hyung.” Jeongin whispers, burying his head against Chan’s chest. Chan sighed and wrapped his arms around Jeongin’s back. He softly placed his chin against the back of Jeongin’s hair and placed a gentle kiss there. 

“Me too Innie.” Chan spoke against the younger boy’s hair. “Me too.” Jeongin grinned widely as he adjusted himself to lay his head in Chan’s lap, the older boy’s hands migrating to his brown hair. Chan leaned back against the couch, gently moving his fingers through Jeongin’s hair.  _ I’ve never felt safer in my life. He feels warm, this is so nice.  _ Jeongin felt relaxed and safe, his breathing slowing down from earlier to match Chan’s steady breathing. He fell asleep like that, in Chan’s lap, happier than he had felt in months. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry it took me so long to write it. I was really struggling with the kiss scene as I have never done one before aaaaa. Please let me know what you think! And if you would like to see kpop rambling, some WIPs, and some teasers you can follow me on twitter @mingimelody

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this sounds like a rambling mess, writing is not my strong point. Also, I uploaded this really early for Christmas but I know that I'd totally forget to post it otherwise. I hope you enjoy it. Please comment and tell me what you think.


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